The Random Saga
by snailkit
Summary: Since I've always wanted to do a random Warriors fic, here it is! I admit, the characters are weird and there are a lot of references, but hopefully you read the original series. Just rated T to get an audience that understands, it's fine if you're K .
1. Chapter 1

1st Warriors fiction! Yay! I don't need "I liked it" in my reviews(Though you can!), just con-crit (constructive critisism). Thanks!

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The Random Saga

Allegiances:

HoluClan

LEADER

???star

Green she-cat with orange muzzle

Leaderly on outside, scarred on inside

DEPUTY

Walcregit

Small light brown tabby tom with unusually large credit card

Writes scripts for ???star for ceremonies in spare time

MEDICINE CAT

PeptoBismolpelt

Pink she-cat with label on underbelly; hums medicine jingles and may cause drowsiness

WARRIORS (toms, and she-cats without kits)

Grapejuicepelt

Yummy purple she-cat who is bombarded with cats when they are sharing tongues

Apprentice, Winepaw

Hammertail

Solid tan tom with unusually shaped heavy tail

Disneyheart

Black she-cat who believes that "The dream that you wish will come true"

Apprentice, Framepaw

OMGLOLpelt

Cream-colored she-cat who won't get off her computer; has been on a chatroom nonstop since she was a kit

INSERT CAT NAME HERE

White cat made of registration forms

Apprentice, SignHerepaw

QUEENS

N/A

ELDERS

Eye

Self-explanatory

Ear

Same as above

Mouth

Same as "Same as above"

Bob

Don't ask

Chapter 21

What!!!

I'm the narrator, and I say it's chapter 1.

Chapter 1.1

NO!!

Chapter 1

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you expect me to tell you a story? WHY DO YOU ASK SO MUCH OF ME!!! WHY!!!

Alright.

Once upon a time there was a cat named Cinderellaheart. She had an evil Stepmother and Stepsisters, and she lived happily ever after with the twin of a glass slipper from Norway that was broken by the Stepmother.

Oh.

You mean the REAL story. The "Random"one.

I'm not that good at that, but I can try.

Let's start in the Random Saga forest, in HoluClan territory…

"No, Walcregit! I need a script with LESS scary words, not more!"

"What scary words?"

"If, but and, or, yes, no, ancestors, StarClan, do, accept, duties…"

"What do you want to say at OMGLOLpaw's ceremony, then?

"Nothing."

"Fine. I'll do it."

Walcregit sighed as he walked away from his fearful leader. The only ceremony he had ever performed finished with "By the power invested in me…" and was regretted instantly when all three cats realized they were being tricked by a now-laughing StarClan warrior, who was his dad.

Suddenly, a cat that made him drowsy came out of the Medicine Cat's den/Hospital. He recognized PeptoBismolpelt, screaming;

"The Sky is falling! The Sky is- Oh. Hi Walcregit! I just saw a symbol from StarCla-Wait! I forgot to say the Mousefur line! Too bad. Symbol from StarClan!"

"How did you receive the prophecy?"

"It was in the form of a flaming chicken from up there!"

"What was the message?"

"Fire alone- Oh. Sorry. Wrong story. If you do not eat cheese, you will not get the Bellsouth Hi-Speed internet connection promised by Bluestar!"

"Who's Bluestar?"

"Oh. She's a character in a book I'm reading that sounds old-fashioned compared to our clans."

Walcregit's eyes drooped from the drowsiness that PeptoBismolpelt was causing, but he remembered to ask one thing before he drifted off to sleep.

"What's chee?"

"Cheese. It's a food that Twolegs make and eat with and on other foods."

"Does it have a wife or husband?"

"What do you think? It's Single!"

Walcregit had barely enough time for his brain to process the joke before he drifted off.

"Clan! Time for sharing tongues!"

All the toms bombarded Grapejuicepelt, who was overwhelmed by all the licking. Even a half-asleep Walcregit joined in. Suddenly, the "BIG VOICE" from Chicken Little boomed,

"You can't lick her, I must. If you don't let me lick her, you will be tortured by processed bits of yellowy goodness!"

"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?"

"NO!!! I Can't Believe It's Not Cheese!"

"Well, _I_ Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

"I don't care what you Believe!"

"Well, I don't care that you don't care what I Believe!"

"This is getting too complicated!"

"Well, you started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Are you sure!"

"Yes-Oh no! You pulled a Bugs Bunny on me!"

"What's up Doc?"

"Nothing much."

"I wasn't talking to you, PeptoBismolpelt!"

"This chapter's getting long!"  
"Well I don't care. Duck Duck…(most edited out for sake of space)…Duck Goose!"

"Bye!"

End of Chapter 21…er…1

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Bad name for story! I know!


	2. Chapter 2

Here's Chapter 2! I give some credit to Freeheart for the review about who is talking. You gave me an idea! Oh, and I forgot to do a disclaimer. So here it is!

Disclaimer: I have never owned Warriors or Disney and never will(but I can always hope!).

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Chapter 2

Grapejuicepelt finally got all the toms off of her by pretending to see a truckload of Twoleg grape juice driving by. While half the clan was gone, Grapejuicepelt heard a rustling in the underbrush! Enemy warriors? Green Beans? Cheese? Demented Cartoon stick figures that say blaa? She looked closer and saw…

…A little rustling! It looked a lot like a piece of metal…Oh. It was metal. Corroded juvenile metal. She wondered what it was until she saw 2 dishwashers come into the camp, looking for something. She went up to a conveniently located information booth and said, in her best "Will Mrs. please come to the information booth" voice, "If you are searching for a rustling in the underbrush, please come to the conveniently located information booth to receive little Rusty."

The Maytag dishwashers came toward the info booth. They said, in a gurgly voice,

"Thank you for finding our son. As a token of our gratitude, we will lick you, then turn our orange metal son into an orange cat to help you with the prophecy we saw on a billboard on the Thunderpath near here. He is good at finding cheese and making things burst into flames."

"Thanks, but no thanks. Try going into the past and putting him in one of the houses near the edge of the forest, next to a cat that will be there. I think his name's Fudge."

"Thanks for the advice, but can we at least do the first token of our gratitude?"

"Oh, FINE!"

"You sure taste good!"

Before Grapejuicepelt could do a single thing(well, she screamed, but that's beside the point), the rustling's dad took her in his drawer and closed her in him, to drink her later. Then, he went to the book, laying in the Medicine Cat's den/Hospital, and jumped into the map on the first page. "ThunderClan's going to be in for a nasty surprise!" thought Grapejuicepelt as she was sucked into the paper map.

Meanwhile, Back at the ranch…er…"Grape Juice Truck…"

"I don't see any-HUFF!-grape-HUFF!-ju-HUFF!-ice!"

"She said to follow the yellow brick Thunderpath, but you just **had** to follow the gold-plated slot machine!"

"Well look who's talking!"

"Wait, who is talking?"

"Am I just a figamentation of your imagination?"

"No, that's the giant that's still trying to find Mickey, who stole his golden harp."

"Still, who are we?"

"Oh. Hmmm. Well, I think I'm Bob…"

"No, I'M Bob! You're Mouth."

"Ah. So, what are we doing outside of the Elders' Den? I can't move, and you have no legs, being a figure drawn on the writer's hand in his spare time which sits on the back of his time machine, in case a time falls off."

"A time?"

"Wait, what's a time?"

"I thought you were going to tell me."

"Yeah. Wait! No. I forgot."

"Wait, I suddenly know so that the writer can insert a joke!"

"WHAT!"

"Um, a time on a time machine is like a wheel on a car."

"I see!"

"No, only Eye and I can see. You only blab."

"Ah, so I've heard."

"No, THAT'S Ear. Oh, I can also hear."

"Why can YOU do everything!"

"Not quite. Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires!"

"Oh, I forgot."

"Sure like playing this slot machine, even though I have 1 more quarter. Hmm…"

"What!"

"I don't know what to do. Risk my life and possibly win 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars, or not and stay a pauper for the rest of my life. Hmmm…"

"Wow, that was a long run-on sentence!"

"Mouth, was that you?"

"No that was the writer pondering over the problem that the large sum of money (fourteenillion?) ended up on the next line."

"Hmm…I think I'm going to… 

End of Chapter 2

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Will Bob put the money in the slot machine? Will Grapejuicepelt survive being stuck in a Maytag Dishwasher? Will the chapters get any longer? Will the author figure out how to say the really long number? Find out next time, on…Who Wants To Find Out What Happens In Chapter 3!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the long wait

Sorry for the long wait! Had school and other stuff and was on a non-random streak for a while. My co-writer (and co-animatior for the movie) sort of walked off, (Holly, if you read this, I don't mean that in a bad way, you just got tired of it…) so I'm in this on my own. Anyways...

BOB, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PUT THE MONEY IN THE SLOT MACHINE AND PULLED DOWN THE LEVER (NOT PUSHED THE BUTTON, THOSE ARE NO FUN) AND THE MACHINE WHIRRED. BEFORE THE EXCITING OUTCOME CAME, A STORM BLEW THE CAMERA MAN OVER TO HOLUCLAN CAMP, WHERE EVERYONE TRIED TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID CAPS LOCK key was stuck. They found out nothing, except that their alternating stream of IDIOTIC STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID cleared the key up. Now the camera man zoomed in on the ravaged camp…

It appeared that there were no cats in the camp. They had all been blown away in the storm, probably into PeptoBismolpelt's Warriors book, except one important character-PeptoBismolpelt herself. She was hanging on to the den with one finger, with a Band-Aid on that finger, repeatedly singing-"I am stuck on Band-Aid brand 'cause Band-Aid's stuck on me!"

The camera man (who was so new on the job he forgot that there was no space between camera and man) realized that when she fell in that he would have to go in after her or risk losing his cameraman job (he had overheard the author). The only problem was that, being a random pickled doom domovibutlersocknoodleohnothespacekeyisbroken (yes that is his species), he could not spacekey into the doomTown sock town yeah fun trees eateth cheese. Stravinsky is a bitonic composer and after a while if you are doing homework with it playing you can't concentrate. I couldn't do easy math, so I ended up taking a break and watching LOST with my grandmother, who just happened to be there. This will be edited out for sake of space after you fill out SignHerepaw's, um, sign here paw!!

The mad !s jumped off a cliff at the cameraman, thereby talking in olde englishe, and causing PeptoBismolPelt to forget the lyrics to the Band-Aid jingle and randomly sing the catchy theme song from Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress, "There's a Great Big Beautif'l Tomorrow"

There's a great big beautif'l tomorrow,

Shining at the end of ev'ry day,

There's a great big beautif'l tomorrow,

And tomorrow, is just a dream away,

Man has a dream, and that's the start,

He follows his dream, with **mind** and **heart,**

And when it becomes a reality,

It's a dream come true, for you and me,

Oh, there's a great big beautif'l tomorrow,

Shining at the end of ev'ry day,

There's a great big beautif'l tomorrow,

JUST A DREAM AWAY!

Since the Band-Aid held here only unless she sang the Band-Aid Jingle, she ed out of the and then was forced into the book by the technologically advanced broadband storm simulator, created by WED Enterprises, the original name of Walt Disney Imagineering, who will sue me if I put them into this, but I really want to be one, and off topic conversations are fun. Imagineers invented The Carousel of Progress with Walt, but I won't get into detail because this is not a Disney FanFic, so yeah. DisneyHeart is still here though! The Off Topic should really be in an A/N. I am being too real life random. Now BAKE TO THE FUTURE-erm, technostormpushintothebookofPEPTOBISMOLPELTthatmadethebookcloseandthespacekeystopworkingbecausePEPTOBISMOLPeltohnotheshiftkeyisdeadndnow (all letters stop working on the keyboard) BUT THEN HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TYPE THIS SENTENCE? _The computer is so demented and dented that it is typing for you!_ AAAAAAAAAAH!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What will happen to the AA's? Will the keyboard ever wake up? Will I stop asking so many questions? (By the way, the big number is…MULTIMILLION because WikiPedia won't give me an answer)FIND OUT! GET UP AND STRETCH, BECAUSE, JUST LIKE IN GRAND CAYMAN, THIS MOVIE HAS AN _**INTERMISSION**_! :O


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Hi there, hope you get to read this soon after you read that, because otherwise this is that to be this if that is this and

A/N Hi there, hope you get to read this soon after you read that, because otherwise this is that to be this if that is this and that. That…

--Because of the intense randomness, the author was forced to give up his creative license. We appreciate your complying, readers, by buying Creative Licensing, Ltd.'s tshirt. Thank you.

Unfortunately, pickles are doom to trees. Trees are doom to Thunderpaths, and Thunderpaths are doom to cats. Randomness cats doom trees pickles paththunder doom. Panther is a Mac OS X operating system. LOOK AT THE BOOK! FOLLOW THE YELLOW BR-uh, CAMERAMAN! INTO THE PAGE! TO THUNDERCLAN! YA YA YA!

Big Swirly thing from all the bugs bunny cartoons…

AdeebadeebadeebadeebaTHAT'S ALL FOLKS! MUAHAHA! I, PORKY THE PIG, HAVE GONE EVIL!

AUTHOR:Ha! No match for me and my random suspiciously Japanese Anime plot devices!

**A/N I have nothing against anime, but I am not going to spoof it for fear of hurt feelings, and overly large teardrops on right side of head.**

Suddenly, the overload of suspiciously left-handed information was forced to shut down when three preteens told it to calculate Pi, 100/3, and infinity. These characters are most certainly not spoofs on characters of _The Time Warp Trio_, nor are their names Joe, Sam, and the one whose name escapes me.

"This has to be the Author's most odd work with the most outside references ever. He is not just cracking the fourth wall, he is demolishing it entirely! We need a new Forest! Help us, CBA! Oh, Hi, Typin' Enton! We have a big problem. Snailkit, the author, is completely breaking the fourth wall! He's gone mad! Right now he is repeatedly screaming "FERN! FERN!" but that may change. OK! MOVE THAT BUS!"

Ok, after that random detour (on the bus) to absolutely nowhere, let's get back to the REAL story…

"Her wounds are deep, but she will recover."

"Who is this?"

PeptoBismolPelt scanned the underbrush. She then heard Spottedleaf again.

"Wisely, I will calmly SCREAM as to the INVADERS!"

"Calm down, Spottedleaf, calm down."

Spottedleaf found the pink cat's voice relaxing, and awfully sleep-inducing.

"Who are y-"

SNORE

"PeptoBismolPelt…"

SNORE

"What's going on?"

SNORE

"Why, wer're just-"

PRECISELY TIMED SNORE

"-and that, my friends, is the point of this literary work."

"Was-"

SNOOOORE

"-not a parody on Forrest Gum-"

SNORE

"STATIC"

"That was the movie theater shutting down. Please proceed to the highlighted route, then the route guidance will start."

As the 5,555,555,555,554.42 cats left, they wondered what happened to Mr. .58. Then, 58 came out of the sky, and demolished their-

SNORE

ThisConCludesChapTerSnore-er, Four.

--

A/N-SNORE

This literary work has been a Creative Licensing, Ltd. T-Sh-SNORE. School's out, for, Summer! School's, OUT, FOR, EVER! SNORE! (that's a songbesides the SNORE, not the truth, sadly) Review or Spottedleaf's Snore's will pester you in your sleep! Mmm, smores…


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